New Years Eve 2002

By Hugh Williams – Ex Captain, Coach, Panto performer

It was New Years Eve at my local

So I escorted my family along

Looking forward to a wonderful evening

Great company, ambience and a song

We had just vacated the dance floor

Settled ourselves with a drink

When a despicable smell hit our nostrils

Oh what a hell of a stink

A gypsy clan had descended

We didn’t intend to be mean

But the sight of them was appalling

The worse that ever we’d seen

All of my instincts told me

We were heading for serious trouble

For some of them looked like Bush

And all of them dressed like Double

In search of one of the committee

I quickly arose from my chair

“Come and see this Dai Jones

What on earth are they doing there ?”

Twenty Seven Tinkers have joined us

They’re sitting at our table

Hugh go and confer with Phil Terry

He’ll help you if he’s able

Frustrated I begged of this member

“ Rid us of these tinkers Phil Terry”

It Christmas Hugh stop moaning

Drink up, have a dance , be merry

They’re stinking Phil have a heart

A really filthy mob

“But they’re causing no trouble Hugh

Now sit down and shut you’re gob

If you don’t like the company

Please find your way out

I cannot offer a refund

No matter how much you shout

Me a loyal club member

Just as my father before

Ex Captain and pantomime performer

Now requested to find the front door

In favour of these inbreeds

Who’d never seen a bath

The committee had gone barmy

Come on, they were having a laugh

I had always had my suspicions

That the committee were off their trollies

Now the dance hall resembled a scene

Reminiscent of Fagins follies

In disgust I went to the lavvy

To relieve myself with a pee

Who’s that peeing beside me

Oh my god it’s Gypsy Roslie

“We’re from Briton Ferry she muttered

We sell scrap, charms and pegs

Can I interest you in y gold charm

She said as she pulled down her kegs

I departed the loo in a hurry

Back to the dance hall real quick

Only to encounter King Tinker

Outside the lavvy being sick

Although he was smelly and dirty

This Tinker was a real gent

He was rubbing the sick in the carpet

I observed as quickly I went

With more Gypsies than committee

A deep premonition in sight

Of overwhelming trouble

Encountered by the end of the night

My preditction came true as I kenw it

As we descended the stairs for the night

The boys in blue arresting the Tinkers

OH, what  a hell of a fight

Now I understand that the committee

Had thirty spare tickets to sell

But did they find it necessary

To sell to the family from hell

Hurt disappointed and angry

I’ll now take my custom elsewhere

It’s back to the Quins that I’m going

For they won’t let the Tinkers in there